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Saturday, 6 July 2013

well shit.

I know I promised fight day fanboying that you are clearly not interested in, but there are more important things first.
Okay, So I feel good today. The same cannot be said about Charlotte, she is clearly sad today, it happens sometimes to the best of us, moods of melancholy and such. So, I try to cheer her up to no avail, well shit.
I get my phone bill, $230 because it is the accumulation of several months. It fucking sucks to ask her for money, I've got nothing, and I dare NOT use my credit card, that shit is staying untouched.

Charlotte is working 8 hours a day, five days a week, working a job she likes because it is summer. the rest of the year, I would work that much, and I made a lot. When I say I made a lot, I mean that, I was in fricken insurance, the only reason people go into it is for money.
It's really hard to go from living well, on your own, in a nice apartment to NOTHING, living with my parents and the only payments I have left is Insurance and a phone bill.
Also I worked for years before going to university, took out a student loan, still worked while going to school, worked the four months it took me to get a job then I made lots of money doing insurance.
6 months later, it is finally all gone.
I'm still searching for a job, I'm still spending most of my time focused on my writing and such.

I know most people would likely judge me for what I'm doing, focusing more on my dreams than on getting a job. except I have few options, I don't want to go back to Insurance, I hate that industry now and the people are awful despite the fact that my education focuses on it, I don't want to go back to working at the same grocery store, I wouldn't make as much because you lose your high pay after quitting. Also I left on wonderful terms with the people I worked with, I love them to death and I don't want to go back only to disappoint them when they realize that I am a shitty worker.

So that leaves me with hopefully finding a part time job I'll hate and continuing to focus on my writing.

Once upon a time ago, I chose to put my writing in the back seat, to focus on going into Insurance so that I could make enough money to support myself and Charlotte, why did I do this? to impress her parents, the one who got me into the program was their friend. Doing so has left me in a rather shitty position, in debt... I wonder EVERY DAY what if I had gone into professional writing instead of Insurance at the University, something I know I would have actually been interested in doing, instead of going the "Adult route" and giving up on my writing.

So yes I'm selfish, but it has been years since I've done something for myself. Most people at least try at their dreams before giving up, I never got that chance, I'm giving it to myself now.

That being said, Charlotte suffers in the meantime. This better fucking work out.

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